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When a woman plans to breastfeed her baby and that plan doesn't go accordingly, it can be a time of many emotions. This emotion is often referred to as "guilt". There is a common saying, "we shouldn't make women feel guilty for not being able to breastfeed." Of course, we shouldn't. There are so many factors, however it is not a black and white, can or can't, choose to or not, it works for some, not for others, etc. "Don't make her feel guilty" I don't want a mother to feel guilty, but I do want her to recognize her feelings about her situation. Feelings are not negative. Feelings are just feeling. And we need to feel to work through the struggles. We need to explore the feelings women experience when it comes to feeding their infant. Everything we see now is "Breast is Best". We have become a society that is "great" at encouraging breastfeeding but we are not a society that is even "good" at supporting and sustaining breastfeeding. This means many women are not meeting their breastfeeding goals. With that comes many feelings. Mothers who intended to breastfeed but struggle to meet that goal, feel a sense of loss. We know there is a connection to loss of breastfeeding and postpartum depression. We need to recognize that many mothers experience grief, and not guilt, in the postpartum period. I feel like grief is confused for guilt or a feeling of failure and it is not interchangeable. Mothers need to be given the opportunity to grieve what they had planned, what they believed postpartum would be like, the support they would receive but did not. Hearing “now, now dear, it’s ok, formula feeding is ok” doesn’t really help. It doesn’t help because it is not about breastmilk over formula. It’s about an expectation mothers had. It’s about a decision they thought they had control over, only to find out breastfeeding is difficult, but more so motherhood is difficult! It is all more difficult than society lets people believe. Breastfeeding is not well supported. It is not understood well. So many myths and wise tales still exist and are perpetuated daily, holding women back.  Women are finding themselves alone, feeling isolated & without reliable resources. Women who choose formula from the start don’t feel this way because they got to make that choice consciously. Women who planned to breastfeed but missed out on proper supports don’t feel like they had any other options but to give up their plans to breastfeed. That’s not a choice. That’s survival. We need to guide mothers to the appropriate, breastfeeding educated resources in a timely manner. Mothers deserve to have choices, someone who can offer solutions that are acceptable to them & who can provide support and counsel when breastfeeding isn't the best option for them.
1/18/2017
Breastfeeding pressure, postpartum depression & supports for new families. What is happening with todays mothers?This week husband of Florence Leung released an emotional statement about postpartum anxiety & depression after losing his wife two months ago. He also commented about the pressure to breastfeed in the same comments. I commend him for speaking up, being brave, being seen, wanting to improve other peoples situations & for encouraging all new moms experiencing low mood or anxiety or depression to seek help. He added that these mothers are not alone and that they are not bad mothers. I agree and know he is correct. I don't believe there are bad mothers. I know mothers feel alone and isolated. Too many mothers feel this way. They are alone but not alone at the same time. When we pull in the breastfeeding component it gets super confusing and conflicting and very, very emotional. There are so many versions of how breastfeeding plays into postpartum anxiety and depression. Part of it is emotional and the feeling part of our brains and body and some of it is biological and chemically controlled in our brains and bodies (hormones are so complex). Some of this is controllable, in the sense that we can just change our outlook and start to feel better, and much of it less controllable and sort it feels like it is happening TO the mother. It really feels like a loss of control.  It is true that all over the place, in so many places new and expecting parents are visiting, there are posters and flyers and brochures and people encouraging breastfeeding and exclusive breast-feeding. This recommendation is world wide and comes from the World Health Organization. While I agree with all the benefits of breastfeeding, as most people would, it is NOT enough to just give benefits. In fact, it is dangerous to encourage and promote breastfeeding & yet not be able to follow through with the support needed. Breastfeeding is significantly more complex than the two-dimensional vision posters make it out to be. Most women are certainly not relating to the mothers on the photos of the breastfeeding books. You know, the mothers who have perfect skin, no bags under their eyes, pristine hair and makeup looking like they have zero cares in the world…beyond oxytocin highs.There needs to be support for the mothers that can breastfeed "easily" so they succeed. We also must meet the needs of and support the mothers in which breastfeeding is not going to work "easily" or perhaps not at all….and all the unique, complex cases in between this. Blanket statements are harmful, on all sides. Supports for new families are getting less and less available and the resources we do have are not always adequately trained and skilled to handle the cases they have presented to them. For every mother who feels judged because she could breastfeed, but doesn't want to, there is another mother who is feeling judged because she wanted to breastfeed, but did not meet her goal. There are mothers who celebrate being told their babies need to be supplemented and welcome supplementation. There are mothers who are devastated when they are given the same news. We need to learn how to support all kinds of mothers and all kinds of scenarios. We have to be prepared for that to take more than 5 minutes in the doctors office. Let's look at one way this all gets blurry. There are the mothers with babies who are not sleeping well but the mother has been reassured that this is just how breastfeed babies are. I don't believe that to always be the case…sometimes babies are not sleeping because they are hungry…breastfeeding is not working in that case, not for anyone. Mothers and babies need to sleep. Feeding endlessly for days and weeks is not healthy for anyone. The issue then becomes "exhaustion due to breast-feeding" weeks later, when breast-feeding issues could have been addressed, resulting in more sleep. Beyond that, families need support people to come in and do practical stuff, like care for a baby so mothers can nap, feed themselves, go for a walk. That doesn't mean breast-feeding needs to be discontinued, it just has to be understood and managed. Other examples would be a woman in so much pain from breastfeeding. Who wants to torture themselves 10 times a day. That is a breakdown waiting to happen. Again, lets get to the source as soon as we can. Get to the resolution so the mother can be pain free. There are so many options for that. We know about postpartum blues and depression and how common it is. We also know that for many women it is so bad they are taking their own lives. It is horribly, horribly sad and devastating. I don't believe it is about mothers breastfeeding or not. I believe it is about support, or lack there of, about misunderstanding babies and mothers, about isolation and healthcare systems that seem to be set up for failure and not success, it is about misunderstanding what the Baby Friendly Initiative is and what it was intended to do and how it is supposed to work. We can do better. We need to do better. Lives matter and are being lost. |
Kim Smith
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Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) Breastfeeding Support Regina | IBCLC Regina | Lactation Consultant Saskatchewan 306-550-6143 [email protected] |
Quick facts:
IBCLC since 2010 — over 15 years of supporting families through the beautiful ups and downs of feeding. Advancing my training in CranioSacral Therapy (CST) — integrating gentle, restorative bodywork to help babies release birth tension and feed with greater ease. Certified TummyTime™ Method Instructor — helping babies grow strong, mobile, and comfortable from the start. Former Birth Doula (10 years) — because I know firsthand that how a baby enters the world deeply impacts how they feed. Retired Medical Laboratory Technologist — grounding my clinical care in both hard science and heart-led compassion. Wife and Mom of Four — I’ve lived through the cluster feeding, the sleepless nights, and everything in between. Chai Tea Latte Enthusiast — because a little comfort goes a long way. |