Breastfeeding Difficulties: You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong

If breastfeeding feels heavy, confusing, or harder than you expected, please hear this first:

You’re not doing anything wrong.

Breastfeeding is often described as natural, but that doesn’t mean it always feels easy. Many parents experience breastfeeding difficulties, including painful feeds, latch challenges, a baby coming on and off the breast, clicking sounds, milk leaking from the baby’s mouth, or a baby who seems tired or frustrated while feeding.

When these things happen, it’s easy to wonder if you’re doing something wrong.

I would bet you are not.

Sometimes, these behaviours are your baby’s way of communicating that something about feeding is challenging for them.

When breastfeeding doesn’t feel easy

A difficult breastfeeding experience can look different for every parent and baby.

You might notice that your baby:

• Comes on and off the breast frequently

• Makes clicking or smacking sounds while feeding

• Has difficulty maintaining a deep latch

• Leaks milk from their mouth

• Becomes tired or frustrated during feeds

• Seems tense or unsettled at the breast

• Has difficulty coordinating sucking, swallowing, and breathing

• Takes a very long time to complete a feed

• Seems to struggle with the flow of milk

You may also be experiencing nipple pain, breast pain, concerns about milk transfer, or uncertainty about whether your baby is getting enough milk.

These are all reasons to reach out for breastfeeding support.

And importantly, they are not evidence that you have failed.

Baby feeding behaviours are clues—not bad habits

When a baby has a shallow latch, clicks, pulls off the breast, leaks milk, or becomes frustrated during a feed, it can be tempting to think they have developed a bad habit.

Instead, what if we viewed these behaviours as clues?

Babies communicate primarily through their bodies and behaviours. Feeding behaviours can sometimes give us important information about how a baby is managing the physical demands of breastfeeding.

A baby who is struggling with latch or milk transfer may communicate that through repeated changes in position, pulling to a shallow latch, coming off the breast, clicking, or becoming fatigued.

Rather than asking, “How do I make my baby stop doing this?”, we can ask:

“What is my baby trying to tell us?”

That change in perspective can be incredibly powerful.

Why is my baby clicking while breastfeeding?

Clicking during breastfeeding can happen for several reasons. Sometimes it can indicate that a baby is having difficulty maintaining suction at the breast.

Clicking may be associated with challenges involving latch, positioning, oral function, milk flow, or coordination during feeding.

It doesn’t automatically mean that something is wrong—but it is worth paying attention to, especially if clicking is happening consistently or is accompanied by other feeding concerns.

A lactation consultant can observe a complete feeding and help you understand what may be contributing to the clicking.

Why does my baby keep coming off the breast?

If your baby repeatedly latches and then comes off the breast, it can be frustrating and exhausting.

There can be many possible reasons for this behaviour.

Your baby may be responding to milk flow, having difficulty maintaining suction, becoming tired, struggling with positioning, or finding some aspect of feeding challenging.

Rather than assuming your baby is simply being fussy, refusing to feed or that you need to “try harder,” it can be helpful to look at all the elements.

How is your baby positioned?

How are you positioned?

Is something changing with the latch?

How is milk flowing?

What is your baby’s body doing during the feed?

And how are you experiencing it?

These questions can help us move from frustration toward understanding.

Breastfeeding support isn’t about correcting parents

When breastfeeding is difficult, parents are often given more things to try.

Try a different position.

Undress baby.

Feed more frequently.

Pump.

Get a deeper latch.

Offer the breast again.

Keep going.

Sometimes these suggestions are exactly what a parent needs. But breastfeeding support should be about more than giving you another list of things to do.

You don’t need someone to tell you that you simply need to try harder.

You need someone who will listen to your concerns, observe your baby, and help you understand what is happening during a feed.

Good lactation support is collaborative. It should leave you feeling informed, supported, and more confident—not blamed.

Looking at the whole breastfeeding relationship

Breastfeeding involves two people.

Your baby brings their own body, reflexes, feeding skills, temperament, and needs to the relationship.

You bring your own body, milk production, experiences, expectations, comfort, and needs.

Sometimes breastfeeding difficulties happen because the two of you need a little help finding a more comfortable and effective way to feed together.

That doesn’t mean either of you is doing something wrong.

It means you may need support.

You don’t have to figure it out alone

If breastfeeding feels stressful, painful, confusing, or simply different from what you expected, you don't have to keep pushing through on your own.

A lactation consultation can help you understand what is happening during feeding and identify areas where you and your baby may benefit from support.

You don’t need to wait until breastfeeding becomes unbearable before asking for help.

And you don't need to prove that you can do it alone.

You are not failing.

Your baby is not failing.

These behaviours are not necessarily bad habits.

They may simply be clues.

Slow down. Listen. Get curious about what your baby is communicating.

And remember:

You don’t need to try harder & you deserve to be supported.